1. Not observing God’s laws on marriage
The sins against marriage, listed in the 29th Lesson, are the main reasons why so many marriages today are unhappy and doomed to failure. Some of these sins are mentioned again in this lesson for emphasis.
2. Selfishness
Selfishness is the underlying cause of most difficulties in married life.
A few examples of selfishness: looking for one’s own comfort, always insisting on one’s rights (especially in regard to sexual intercourse), not being thoughtful of one’s partner or not trying to please him (or her). It should be repeated here that genuine happiness is attained only by completely generous souls who are ready to sacrifice themselves in all things.
3. Not fulfilling the marriage duty
A married person commits a mortal sin by refusing to give his (or her) partner sexual intercourse whenever it is reasonably asked for.
The unhappiness of many marriages can be traced to this sin. Let it be clear that the marriage duty is a very serious and sacred obligation. Couples who have difficulties concerning intercourse should seek the advice of a good Catholic doctor.
4. Disagreement about children
Disagreement about whether to have children or not, or disagreement about the raising of children causes many marriages to fail.
A married couple should bear in mind that the first purpose of marriage is the bringing forth and rearing of children and that they no longer live for themselves but for their children. The sin of birth control causes love to grow cool and gives rise to mistrust and jealousy.
“Marriage honorable in all, and the bed undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4)
5. Immaturity or lack of responsibility
A great source of unhappiness in marriage is having an immaturè partner who lacks a sense of responsibility toward his (or her) family.
“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child. Now that I have become a man, I have put away the things of a child” (1st Corinthians 13:11).
6. Fights and arguments childish outbursts of anger are entirely unchristian.
Married people should learn to control their tempers and to discuss their problems as grown-ups and not as children.
“Bearing with one another and forgiving one another if any have complaint against another: even as the Lord hath forgiven you, so do you also. … Wives, be subject to your husbands, as it behoveth in the Lord. Husbands love your wives, and be not bitter towards them” (Colossians 3:13, 18, 19).
7. Wrong use of family money
A husband is bound to complete support of his wife and children, and a wife is obliged to use the family money wisely.
The faults of many husbands are: working irregularly, not giving the wife enough money to run the house, gambling family funds, spending it for liquor or foolish amusements. The faults of many wives are: not spending the family money wisely, buying unnecessary and expensive things. “If any man have not care of his own, and especially those of his house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel” (1st Timothy 5:8).
8. Not respecting one’s partner
Lack of respect for one’s partner has destroyed the happiness of many marriages.
“Husbands love your wives, as Christ also loved the church, and delivered Himself up for it. . . . So also, ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh” (Ephesians 5:25, 28, 29).
“Ye husbands, likewise, dwelling with them according to knowledge, giving honour to the female as to the weaker vessel, and as to co-heirs of the grace of life” (1st Peter 3:7).
9. In-laws and relatives
A married person’s first duty is to his or her) married partner and children. Parents and other relatives should not interfere.
“Wherefore a man shall leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall be two in one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
“The tongue of a third person has disquieted many and scattered them from nation to nation” (Ecclesiasticus 28:16).
10. Drunkenness
The sin of drunkenness has caused many happy marriages to break up.
The moderate use of liquor is not a sin, but to get drunk is a sin. (See Lesson 37, questions 8 & 9).
11. Jealousy
To judge another without evidence is a sin. A husband and wife should have complete trust in one another.
“Judge not, that you may not be judged. For with what judgment you judge, you shall be judged” (Matthew 7:1, 2).
12. Nagging
Criticizing the faults of one’s partner or constantly harping on trifles is also a source of unhappiness.
“A wrangling wife is like a roof continually dropping through. It is better to sit in a corner of the housetop than with a brawling woman” (Proverbs 19:13 and 21:9).
“And if any man think himself to be religious, not bridling his tongue, but deceiving his own heart, this man’s religion is vain” (St. James 1:26).
13. Separate social life
Husbands and wives should customarily take their recreation together and find their happiness in their own home with their children. They should make friends with other happily married couples and avoid the company of those whose marriages ended in failure.
“Walk not as also the Gentiles (pagans) walk in the vanity of their mind, having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their hearts” (Ephesians 4:17 & 18).
14. Bad housekeeping
The wife should make the home a place to which her husband longs to go after his day’s work. The home should be clean and orderly, and the meals well prepared.
“Happy is the husband of a good wife; for the number of his years is double. A virtuous woman rejoices her husband and shall fulfill the years of his life in peace” (Ecclesiasticus 26:1-2).
15. Unkempt appearance
Unkempt appearance of one’s person or clothing can cause love to grow cool.
“May this love with which you have joined your hands and hearts together never fail, but grow deeper and stronger as the years go on. And if true love and the spirit of perfect sacrifice guide your every action, you CAN expect the GREATEST MEASURE OF EARTHLY HAPPINESS that can be allotted to man in this vale of tears. The rest is in the hands of God. Nor will God be wanting in your needs. He will pledge you the life-long support of His graces in the Holy Sacrament which you have received” (From the Catholic Marriage Ceremony)
THE PRAYER OF SARA ON HER WEDDING DAY: “Have mercy on us, O Lord, have mercy on us and let us grow old both together in health” (Tobias 8:10).